


Tina-Age Dream

by elegantstupidity



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Family Feels, Gen, High School, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-17 15:16:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14834723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elegantstupidity/pseuds/elegantstupidity
Summary: In a Huxley High School first, Mr. Whittaker’s Economics final project actually opens the door to unconsidered possibilities for one of his students.





	Tina-Age Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SoulJelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulJelly/gifts).



Tina was not exactly paying attention when her economics teacher assigned their final project of the semester. It wasn’t her fault, though. Jimmy Jr. had just broken the tip off his pencil, and it was a long walk from his desk to the pencil sharpener. So, even if she should have been listening to Mr. Whittaker’s explanation, especially considering the Ds she’d gotten on her last three pop quizzes, Tina had more important things on her mind. 

Okay, _one_ important thing: the wonder running track had worked on Jimmy Jr.'s butt.

Really, it was no wonder that Tina's attention was otherwise occupied—there was nothing quite like an imaginary showstopper filled with as many chorus boys, sprinting and leaping and  _sweating_ , in running shorts and fully-choreographed glory as her heart could desire to break up the monotony of a lesson—as Mr. Whittaker went on and on about the value of a free-market and proving whether or not they had what it took to make it in the dog-eat-dog world beyond high school. 

It was only when the bell rang and he announced, "This project is worth 50% of your final grade, so it better be good! Due date is in three weeks," that Tina wondered if she should regret her wandering thoughts.

Then again, stuck behind Jimmy Jr. as he danced out into the hallway, the close fit of his jeans doing nothing to hinder his moves...

Yeah. Regret probably wasn't _quite_ the word she'd use.

_Mm. Butts._

 

 

Having tracked down Jocelyn for the details—"Ugh, it's so gross. We have to, like, make a whole business or whatever. And then do a presentation on it, I think?"—at lunch, Tina had spent the rest of the day slowly working herself into a knot of anxiety. Not quite as bad as the first time she drove or her short-lived stint as a graffiti artist's assistant, but there was no property damage involved. Just the potential damage to her GPA and academic future. No big deal, right? Ha, ha ha.

Oh, God.

At least she was back at the restaurant now. And she'd even picked herself up off the floor. Sure, her forehead was still pressed to the table and she was groaning to decompress, but she could almost feel it working, the tension shaking loose. Or maybe that was just Gene furiously pounding away at his keyboard, making the table vibrate.

"Tina, stop making that sound," her dad called from the kitchen.

"No!" Gene protested. "I'm still sampling it!"

"Gene."

He grumbled discontentedly but was quickly distracted by the range of sounds he'd already captured from his sister. Huh. That actually didn't sound too bad. Still, Tina couldn't let herself be similarly distracted.

"How am I supposed to build and run an entire A+ business in three weeks?" she groaned, finally lifting her head from the table. Her bangs were probably stuck to her forehead, and if any cute boys walked in, it would not be a good look, but she didn't care. There were more important matters at stake. Plus, she could see out the window and would have plenty of time to fix her hair if a cute boy with a nice butt and fluffy hair happened by.

"An A+?" Bob asked. "Tina, you know your mom and I would be, uh, proud of a B, right? I mean, we'd even take a C."

"I know. But that's the only way to bring my grade up enough to not drag down my GPA."

"Uh, sure. Okay," he agreed and left it at that.

When, however, he hadn't heard from his eldest daughter several hours and a few customers later, he peeked out the pass-through window. Tina's head was back down on the table. Gene had disappeared, probably off to record his next "Sound Experience," but Louise had taken his place. 

“You know, Tina,” he called, waiting until her back straightened and he could be sure she hadn't gone all boneless again, “if you’re really stuck, there’re lots of people you could ask for help.”

Tina thought this over and concluded that he was right. “Yeah. I guess I could ask Aunt Gayle about her cat fur crafting business, even if she only had it for a few weeks before Etsy shut her down.”

“Or maybe someone closer to home?”

“You mean Louise’s table at Art Crawl? I don’t think Edith will let her have one this year.”

“That’s what Edith thinks,” Louise muttered from her spot across the booth. She was scribbling furiously in the notebook the family pretended not to notice was titled "Not Plans for World Domination." She'd had it since she was ten and was close to running out of pages.

“Or," her dad said, his voice still climbing progressively higher, "someone with a bit more experience than your 13-year-old sister?”

“Ooh! How ‘bout me, Tina?” Teddy volunteered, jostling Mort in his excitement as he swiveled on the stool. “I can show you the ropes. The business ropes. Even though there aren’t any actual ropes involved, y’know?”

“Um,” Tina groaned, but just a little. “I’ll think about it.”

“Great! Just let me know so I can pencil you in. I mean, my schedule's pretty free right now, but you never know."

From the kitchen, her dad hummed, clearly irked. Maybe he’d burned Teddy’s burger. Tina went back to staring at her mostly blank page. The words “Business Plan” taunted her above all that empty space. Louise cackled, finally looking up from her own work. 

“Yeah, I think Teddy’s definitely your best bet, T. No one else around that you could ask.”

“Louise,” their dad warned, finally coming out with their lone customers’ food. Huh. Teddy’s burger didn’t look burnt. “Tina knows she can ask any of us for help. Just as long as it’s about business. Go to your mother for help with your Health homework.”

 

 

It was Linda, interestingly enough, who sparked Tina’s ultimate inspiration. 

"Ooh! A project!" she trilled when she found Tina working at the coffee table as Gene and Louise bickered over who got to pick the next TV show. 

"Yeah," Tina replied glumly, still at a loss for what to do. 

"Do you think you'll need—"

"No costumes, this time, mom."

"Oh." Linda rallied quickly from her disappointment. "Well, tell me all about it anyway."

So, Tina explained.  

Predictably, her mom focused on the positives. "Oh, my teeny Tina! Growing up and running her first business! I'm gonna be a grandma!"

"If I could figure out what that business should be," she sighed, feeling another round of groaning coming on.

"Just pick something you love, sweetie. That way you'll still be happy even if the business doesn't take off."

Gene, coming to an abrupt realization, exclaimed, "So that's why dad makes burgers!" 

"Yes. Yes, it is."

"Lin," dad called from the kitchen where he was busy making dinner, sounding tired. 

"What? You do love your burgers!"

"Oh my God."

As her family continued to chatter, Tina let herself think. It was almost easier with the background noise. It was even easier when that background noise was shut out by the door of her bedroom.

Tina sat at her desk, considering her mom's advice as her family worked themselves up intoyet another Belcher Family Shout-Along. Louise was egging her dad on, and while he probably knew it, he was also clearly falling her goading. Gene's sound effect megaphone kept going off, making it sound like a robot had entered the fray. 

Hmm. Maybe there was something to a human-robot family drama. Tina'd have to remember that one when she had time to write her next short story.

Anyway. Back to work. Something she loved... 

Well, she loved horses and butts and her family, but she didn't think she could build an A+ business off of any of those things. Not in three weeks, at least. She didn't think she could come up with any product—let alone one she really loved—produce it, market it, and start selling it all in three weeks. 

When her eyes fell on the neat line of her notebooks, though, each labeled and filed according to her personalized Five-Butt Standard, Tina realized that maybe she already had the first few steps completed.

Pulling out one of her more recently filled journals, Tina turned to the family's old laptop and got to work.

 

It was probably a good thing that Tina had gotten a lot better at presentations since her eighth-grade book report days. Then again, it probably helped that she'd actually done all the work required this time around. Still, as she walked up to the front of the class, poster board in hand, she felt confident. Confident enough to volunteer to go first. 

She was ready to blow everyone else's projects out of the water.

"For my final project," she began, propping up her poster against the blackboard so she could gesture the way she and Linda had practiced last night, "I became a self-published romance novelist."

Really, it was the obvious solution. The overhead cost was low and the product plentiful. She had years upon years of material to work with; between fanfiction and erotic friend fiction Tina estimated she could put out new content at least once a month for the next few years, even if writer's block hit. 

Sure, she'd had to change a few names to protect the identities of her subjects, but that was just so she could continue using her friends and acquaintances as fodder for future installments. That and avoid the potential defamation lawsuits if anyone figured out who the incredibly handsome zombie Johnny Alfredo III was. (Louise, who'd offered her legal expertise on the matter in exchange for chores, had told her it was a gray area and that her retainer was a week's worth of shifts in the restaurant.) Tina did her best to gloss over the matter in her written report.

As she explained the process of getting her store online—well, actually, that was just signing up for an Amazon and Kindle Direct account, which she technically couldn't since her birthday was still a few weeks away; another detail to gloss over—the ins and outs of cover design, and building a reader base, Tina let pride wash over her. She may have started this venture as a school project, but judging by the reviews  _Brains, Brawn, and Butt: A Zombie Romance_ had already collected, it could definitely outlast her time at Huxley High.  

"Although my profits are modest right now, if I expand my selection, I could probably make enough to buy my own car in five to ten years. Um. The end."

None of her classmates looked all that impressed, even though she'd splurged for color printing on her cost-benefit analysis graph. Mr. Whittaker, at least, appeared to be paying attention. He frowned, opened his mouth, and closed it, clearly lost for words in the face of her amazing presentation.

"Tina," he finally said, like he was still processing, "you do realize that all I needed for this was a written business proposal with your projected earnings, right?"

"Oh." No, she hadn't realized that. Which was exactly what she got for asking Jocelyn for the assignment details when Henry Haber was in this class, too. "Um, well. Extra credit?"

Mr. Whittaker sighed. "Please take your seat. Who's next?"

 

 

Still, when she got her project back, there was a gold star fixed to the front, right next to a big, bright red A+. 

Tina grinned as she taped it to her wall, where she could see it if she looked up from the computer screen. If she ever needed some more inspiration, it would be right where she needed it.

For now, though, she was in a groove and wanted to get back to it. 

_"Oh, no!" Dina cried. "The incredibly mysterious boy next store is actually a zombie! Whatever am I going to do?"_  


_"Ergh," undead boy groaned in what had to be an agreement._

_In spite of her racing pulse, Dina paused to consider. "Well," she said, thinking aloud, "I could think of a few things..."_

Tina smiled. She sensed she had a bestseller on her hands.

 


End file.
